I have to see my Mom. She’s my best friend and she isn’t here. She has not been here for months.
It is crippling my imagination. It makes it sometimes impossible to even think of what I want to write let alone sit with my erasable pen and my notebook, pick a topic and write. I have pieces that I have not published.
What I really want to do is save up money to sign up for that Master Class app/site. I want to listen and watch Neil Gaiman and Margaret Atwood and absorb everything they have to teach me. This is honestly what I want more than anything.
I did fall off my diet, but I have been steering more into the healthy eating lane. I am trying to make it so that one day a week I get a cheat day. I am training my body to like healthy foods and more protein so that I can cleanse the sugar I eat from my cheat day. I am so used to having a treat every day. I let myself have fast food once a month.
The last fast food I had was Arby’s. I had a crispy chicken sandwich with curly fries, a cherry turnover, one of each of their cookies, and a Sprite. It was wonderful. I think the next time I get to have my fast food day (February 8th) I will get the same only both kinds of turnovers along with the cookies. I will share with my daughter some of it because I really can’t eat all of that myself. (Don’t worry, she only gets fast food the same day I get fast food.)
I have not been exercising either. I am going to change that tomorrow. I have a new machine I can use to help me work out at home.
I need to be as healthy as I can be for my sanity.
I have gained back the weight I lost, but I have not gained more than that.
Life put a wrench in my diet. The kid is home due to covid. She will be returning soon.
I eat more junk than I should, but I don’t eat just junk food.
I am still a big stress eater.
I haven’t been working out much either. The depression over my Mom not being here makes it hard to exert myself.
Today Lexi and I took a walk for the first time in a while. It felt good and I need to do this more.
Some people don’t understand how much depression takes your energy.
I usually take December off when it comes to my writing and my content. I have been fan-girling on the Sandman audible production and the Sandman TV show that is coming. Like really really REALLY fan-girling. I am green with envy over those who have got to see the theater version of Ocean at the End of the Lane. I mean it. I am BITTER.
I have started listening to the audio version to try to get over myself. I keep falling asleep to it though so I can’t even tell you what I know about the book other than the synopsis. Neil Gaiman make your voice less palatable for once so I can actually get through a book without being lulled into a coma. kthanx.
I love you but dude. Srsly.