I am going to be working on a series that I am going to be publishing hopefully at the end of the month. It is going to be the biggest story I have ever covered so far in all the years I have been blogging, and I want it to be as perfect as I can make it.
I will be sharing some of the Youtube videos I have made in the meantime. I have projects that I have worked on that I want to promote more. I will be posting them Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays during the month of February.
Yesterday Lexi cried a few minutes before her first class was over, but since then she hasn’t cried at all. She really misses her friends and teachers. I’ve said it a million times: I can’t believe my kid of all kids is popular. I was known by people I grew up with, but I was never popular because to this day I hang out with all different kinds of people and I am much more of a loner than my daughter is. It isn’t like I have no friends, but I like my independence, especially now that I am a single mom with skitzoaffective disorder with a kid who has nonverbal Autism.
Today’s teaching went well: she managed to do three classes without getting upset or wanting to leave. We took a walk for gym class and I got her some new crayons since I can’t seem to find a box around the house that has every basic color. The fact that she’s sitting with me when we have to color and doesn’t run away is a big improvement.
I’ve been spending a lot of time with my daughter the past six weeks or so. I really need to struggle snuggle with somebody and usually at some point in every day Lexi has been cuddling with me. I guess that’s a big reason why I don’t really miss having a boyfriend: I already have someone to cuddle with all of the time. It’s her way of telling me she loves me.
I need to take a break from writing for a couple of days. My mental health is being compromised. I’m going to watch dumb videos on Youtube and maybe make bitchy comments or make an ass of myself for a laugh now and then. I need more funny in my life.
On Turkey Day my family and I had a zoom meeting hosted by my sister. I got to see my nephew’s other Grandma as well as his other Aunt and Uncle. It was the first time nephew’s Grandma ever got to interact with my daughter. She actually likes webcam sessions for the most part. She sat there looking at her and everybody else while she ate her breakfast (chocolate chip bagel) and got cream cheese all over her face. I told my nephew that I was very close to fixing the community building in Stardew Valley.
Pretty soon I’m going to have an Xbox Live account so that we can play Stardew Valley together once a week. I might even start playing Mindcraft with him. I might save up to get a Nintendo Switch so we can play Animal Crossing.
I’ve eaten so many Thanksgiving leftover sandwiches that I’m good until next year.
I really wished I could have visited my Grandma. Because of Covid I probably won’t be able to see her at Christmas either. At least I have my Aunt’s house to look forward too.
I should go find Lexi’s Christmas dress.
I hate that because of this I missed seeing my Grandmother when she turned 100 years old.
I hate that I don’t know when I will ever get the chance to see my best friend’s daughter while she is still a baby.
I don’t know what to think anymore and I don’t know if anything I am writing during this is any good.
I want all of this death to go away. I want the aftermath to go away.
Unless people stop being selfish, who knows when I can go on a proper vacation.
I feel frozen and I do not know when I will be able to continue moving forward or if I am going to make any progress as a person.
I just want to see my daughter progress. I don’t think that is too much to ask.
I live day to day as if I were in prison. I think most poor people like me feel that way. I wish there weren’t so many people becoming destitute because of this.