I Think I Know Why @TrishaPaytas is Jelly of Joy Sparkles

Skin Care Series: Groupon

Groupon is the holy grail of spa’s and skincare products. I have saved thousands of dollars from using Groupon for the latest products I have had to purchase because I am very close to 40. I will be writing reviews of the products I have purchased there. Stay tuned!

60 Days In

I stumbled onto this series during a time when my parents and I had to live out of a hotel to get our bathroom renovated. It was me and my kid in one room and my parents in the other. It was SUCH a nice vacation from their old couple bickering, seriously, you can’t even imagine. It was just me and Lexi roughhousing for exercise, going to walks to the nearby Wawa, doing her homework, reading, and watching TV, movies and Youtube. One of the TV shows that caught my eye was “60 Days In”.

I have never been to prison. I have, however, been to plenty of psyche wards during the years after I was knighted as a schizo, and let me tell you, there were plenty of times when I had to deal with people who are a hell of a lot more problematic than a lot of inmates I have seen on this show.

I know the hospital is not the same as a prison, but if a hospital is run poorly (as it was during many of my stays, to the point were I could lead a group meeting and have done a better job) it can feel a hell of a lot closer to a prison sentence, at least when it came to how they handled mental illnesses. The only redeeming qualities at times were that the food was better than prison food, you got free diet sodas at meals, and I got the chance to regroup and piece myself back together after having an instance of hearing voices. I have to be in the hospital to get the hallucinations to stop because if they are not stopped in their tracks, they lead to brain damage. Every single time I hear voices I have gone to the hospital. My parents, family members, friends, and my daughter’s school teachers helped looking after my daughter while I was away. They will continue to do so. She will never have to worry about my illness ruining her life because that is not an option for her, and it never will be.

There is no rule book when it comes to raising kids, but aside from the people who get off on judging me, no one thinks I am a bad parent. Everyone helped me get away from the abuse I was being forced to deal with from her biological father and made sure that I got the help and continue to get the help I need to maintain custody of my kid. I might not be perfect, but nobody spends as much time and effort as I do for my daughter. Now that I have been free of hallucinations for the past almost five years straight, I do everything in my power to keep my piece of mind.

A lot of things go on behind the scenes that you don’t see. I don’t use every person in my life as content fodder. I don’t care how boring some people might think I am. I have the right to get things off of my chest without jeopardizing the privacy and/or safety of others just because I don’t like them or that they are doing something to really piss me off.

I don’t dox others as a means of retaliation. That is what desperate, weak, and feeble-minded people do.

Having said that, because of the way I was treated in the hospital, there were definitely times where it came close to feeling like an actual prison. Having to witness the staff break HIPPA privacy practices left and right like they were doing something as trivial as blowing their nose. The constant gossiping while patients who are within ear shot but still functioning fine on the inside about the “regulars” that come in there all of the time. The time I was changing my clothes and a male staff member decided to take it upon himself to do room checks in the women’s ward of the hospital without even knocking on the door, and then sounding pleased to have seen me standing there taking off my shirt. Thankfully I was wearing a bra at the time. The time when the same staff member told me I should quit smoking because he didn’t want to see me ruin my looks. The time when a male staff member walked right into the bathroom that he clearly saw me in while I was trying to clean myself up and had no bra on. The time male staff members came up to me and tried the “I bet you have a really pretty smile” routine. The time a male patient took me to the side and asked if I was “shaved”. The times when male staff members were talking amongst themselves about their sex life right in front of me and being forced to hear one of them say clear as day: “You know me, I’ll fuck anything.” The time some male patient grabbed my ass while we were trying to do the trust fall game during group. The time some other male patient walked right in on me while I was in the shower completely naked and put his hand on my shoulder while my back was to him.

(And people really still wonder why I don’t care about the fact that I gained so much weight?)

Yeah, at those times, I might as well have been “60 Days In”.

Porn Becoming Mainstream is Not the Only Problem

There is such a thing as having a sex addiction while never having seen pornography. You can have a “wet dream” without ever having seen pornography. You can start masturbating at an early age without ever having seen pornography. You can get the idea of raping someone into your head without ever having been on the internet. You can use an item as a sex toy without ever having owned a sex toy.

I have no problem with adult entertainment.  Keyword of that sentence being “adult”.  What consenting adults chose to do with other consenting adults is not my business. I will, however,  always take issue with child pornography, Bratz dolls, Monster High Halloween costumes intended for girls, sexy Halloween costumes for underage teens,  men who sign up to the US army specifically for the chance to go to brothels in other countries where children are on the menu, Youtube allowing young women to make content about how great it is to be a cam girl or have an only fans, the fact that only fans and cam model websites having affiliate links for one to become a sex worker, and the fact that Netflix still has not removed the film “Cuties” from their collection.

I am fully aware that the only actions I can control are my own.

 It doesn’t matter how many heathens you burn at the stake. You can put out as many “call to actions” as you want about the things going on in this world that you want to see gone, but you will always make an impact and change the minds of some of the people listening to you, never all of them.  Even Giliad in “The Handmaid’s Tale” has a black market.  

Even Giliad allows prostitution.  

You want to change the world for women and children so badly?

Baby steps.  That’s the only dent most of us will ever make for whatever cause we are fighting for, let alone women’s rights is baby steps.  This “all or nothing” attitude has been, is, and will get us nowhere.  The infighting that continues to go on about who is the correct leader for the cause is getting us nowhere.  The factioning off into little microcosm communities both online and offline while stubbornly refusing to, at the end of the day,  put personal bullshit aside once and for all and fight for the greater good is getting us nowhere.  Pushing aside male allies who genuinely want to fight for these causes is getting us nowhere. The “greater good” that we need to put first is children.
Swallow your pride, stop bickering.  Do work.

Yes, my thoughts are a complete cluster f*ck of word vomit when I talk about something I really care about.  I am well aware of that, thanks.  It is part of the package that is me.


There are people you meet in life that you do not like, but still respect.

When I tell someone “I don’t like you, but I respect you”, that is huge coming from me. People who don’t know me enough seem to underestimate that statement.

I don’t give respect to anyone who hasn’t earned it. An act of bravery, no matter how flawed, is still an act of bravery at the end of the day. I never expect perfection from anyone, but I d0 expect progress. People who are trying to evolve are not going to be immune to making mistakes along the way. Making a mistake does not negate the genuine efforts of someone who is trying to be the best version of themselves as they can be. That is why “cancel culture” is a load of B.S. to me. Showering someone who is trying to better their life with negativity and constantly accusing them of crying wolf is never going to help anyone’s physical and/or spiritual evolution.

I know what it is like to want to destroy someone because they destroyed you. More than some people will ever know. It’s diabolical, but it’s the truth.

Rudest Catfish Ever @CatfishMTV

Do any of y’all watch this show? My Mom and I used to watch it regularly but it got kind of stale for me. I’d rather look at the highlight clips on Youtube. Saves everyone a lot of time. My favorite one was the Machine Gun Kelly episode.

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