Hey Lucifer

I remembered you from a British TV show “Miranda”, a show I stumbled upon via “Little Britain” on Hulu. (I miss “Little Britain”. It was taken down along with “Come Fly with Me” due to the fact that Matt Lucas and David Walliams dressed up as black characters. All of this political correctness is really putting a serious damper on my resources for dark and/or controversial comedy.)

I remember when I heard about “Lucifer” the TV show. It was ironically right around the time I was reading “The Sandman” (A graphic novel also by Neil Gaiman. “The Maxx” is also the first comic I ever read, which was also ironically created by Sam Keith.)

I saved “Lucifer” for a rainy day.

That rainy day came in the form of my mother almost dying from pulmonary embolisms. My Dad downplayed how serious they were. It was only recently that he told me the truth. She could have dropped dead at any minute. Just like my father could have dropped dead from the fact that he had three clogged arteries and finally went to the hospital for an emergency triple bypass. Both my parents are very stubborn and refused to go to get help until they were on the brink of death.

I myself was on the brink of death at 17. I had acute mono that caused my liver and kidneys to start failing. If I had waited to go to the hospital as soon as I became completely jaundice, I could have dropped dead.

My sister’s husband’s father dropped dead from a heart attack. Almost exactly a year later, my sister’s husband died of a heart attack in his sleep. He was only in his mid-40’s. My sister at first wanted to kill herself so she could join him, but she decided to stay for the sake of their son. My nephew’s father died right before his 1st birthday.

This is the tip of the iceberg.

I have dealt with so much death in my life, so much near-death and I am only 38.

I am a Wiccan. I have been for a while now because a while ago I stopped believing in God and the Devil and started believing in spirituality and the fact that nature is life, and life can be incredibly loving and cruel any time it wants. I don’t believe that God has a plan for me. I don’t believe that the Devil has a plan for me. I don’t believe that Jesus died on the cross for me.

I don’t believe that God only gives us what we can handle.

I believe in the fact that energy cannot be created or destroyed. I believe that the spiritual energy you give, positive or negative, is what you are going to get back.

There are times every day that I feel really jealous of other people. I just choose not to voice it. I get jealous of people who have so much more than I do and do not really appreciate it. I don’t voice this because that is negative energy that I would be casting out into the universe that will eventually come back to me.

So I keep my jealousy to myself and work through it.

I have been noticing that not saying it out loud is actually working. While it seems like forever for anything good to happen, the point is that it happens. That is when the jealousy stops and I become grateful. The gratitude outweighs the jealousy.

So I go on practicing my virtuous patience. Even when I want to punch people in the face because of how ungrateful they are.

This TV show is helping me cope with another potential death in my life and reminds me that it is ok that I do not believe in organized religion. I don’t need to believe that God only gives me what I can handle.

It is helping me to fight through the heartache because I know something will always come to heal it.

This TV show is one of them. Thank you Tom, Sam, and Neil.

Method Writing: Love the Truth of Your Voice

I am at the point in the “Method Writing” book that I bought where I am told to keep a journal and write in it every day so that I can find my voice as a writer. The first of the four concepts of Method Writing is learning how to write like you talk.

As I mentioned before, I have been writing in a journal since 1st grade. I have been told I already have a voice.

This is something they bring up that is interesting to me:

Learn to love the truth of your voice, not the showy effects of writing.

Jack Grapes

I’ve been switching between writing new material, writing in this blog, reading Method Writing, and taking notes on Method Writing. I think this blog will be a good place to write down the gist of what I am learning through this process and this particular book.

I have a voice but there is another voice that I spent years and years wishing I sounded like: Anais Nin.

I think I will dedicate a few blogs to my favorite writer, who is a woman who wrote in a journal mostly her whole life: Anais Nin. More people need to know about her, because too many have forgotten or even heard of her.

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